Why I practice Kenjutsu

I wrote this essay as part of my +1 rank at the dojo. I hope this explains my motivation to learn Japanese martial arts.

I always wanted to take up some form of martial arts at an early age. This is probably due to my interests in the rich history and cultures of the eastern countries. However, I just wanted to learn it so that I can defend myself. Unlike some people, who may have picked up the art as a result of bullying/abuse, I just wanted to defend myself not from others, but from the realities of life… such as poor posture, stress, anxiety, laziness, hastiness and against the idea that this was not for me. To me its always been about these things. Whilst still at school, I eventually did some karate for a few weeks, but had to give it up – primarily because I took up squash instead. However, the interest in hand-to-hand arts was always there. I would often follow up on boxing, freestyle wrestling and karate competitions during the Olympics. But that was as far I went. Fortunately, after I started working in Japan (many years later) I got a chance to learn some kind of martial art – with the hope that, this time, I will learn it for much longer. During my search, I eventually stumbled upon a Japanese martial art called Kenjutsu.

I didn’t really knew what it was, apart from the fact the I might be learning how to handle a Japanese sword. Overtime, I began to realise that were a lot more subtle things I had to worry about. The breathing, the angles, the spacings, the intent, the way I moved, the Kiai and much more. This was not easy at all. After a while, I just started to think that Kenjutsu almost worked like it wanted me to fail. It kept kicking me down over and over again and I kept thinking that I was simply not good enough. But I choose to keep moving forward. I quickly realised that any martial art is only a good as the teacher and group of people you will train with. Also, it is not just about learning the intricacies of the techniques, but more about keeping yourself aware and switched on. Mental health plays a crucial role… and to support all this, your body should be able to keep up with it. Trying to achieve this state of mind gave me something to push and strive for. This was missing when I first started learning, as I was just trying to focus a lot on the basics of getting the correct movements. As a result I was making lot of mistakes (and still do), but I always hope to be consistent. Even when it was not convenient for me. Consistency in doing something has always made a difference in my life. I did not always have the best of days at work, but each time I came to practice afterwards, I was persistent to train with that mindset.

It is worth mentioning that we are all different. We all have different life experiences, we all have different motivations/expectations, we all have faced different challenges to get where we are today. For me, after a fairly difficult phase in my life, I was depressed and overcome with grief. Everyone deals with depression differently after all. Some people breakdown and cry, some become cold, others hold it all in… acting stoic, going through all the motions and looking busy. I wanted to avoid heading down any path that would lead to self-destruction, complacency and reckless behaviour. In the very early stages of my grief, all I thought about was sadness and I didn’t consider that there would be any lessons for me to learn. However, there were things that I did realise during my grief and hoped that such lessons can become part of my healing. One lesson was to continue to interact and learn what I wanted to do. Coming to practice reminded me that life goes on, and finding something important to focus upon can help avoid depression. I decided to embrace such lessons and continued with my life’s various challenges. I just hope that, over time, I can learn to deal with such issues better. They say that time heals… but it really just dampens the effects of our pain. I am still sad but my grief is part of who I am today, and I guess that is OK. It is still incredibly hard though…

After a brief absence I returned to Kenjutsu. I continued on my journey to learn and practice martial arts. This time, I discovered more nuances and relationships in the various forms and motions and even applications of the techniques, and their relevance to the philosophical aspects. This time, I placed more emphasis on traits like discipline, integrity, patience, tolerance, courage, sense of justice, etc… and also started to see it as path to some kind of spiritual well being through meditation. Expressing myself through the motions is something that I am still working on, and my strength and technique ratio is still disproportionate. But I remain persistent to train and become a better version of myself. I was looking at some images of my stances when I first started learning Kenjutsu and more recent ones. After reflecting, there are noticeable differences. I look more confident, more stable, more relaxed and with a little more intent. I will persist to get better. I want to train for longevity and help others do the same.

To the less knowledgeable person, Kenjutsu may seem like a violent art, but it teaches discipline and respect. It helps us see the world with a different perspective with more moral values and lessons of peace. A good example of this is that my school always maintains: “never start a fight”. In fact, the techniques we are taught are primarily defensive. My Sensei has also repeatedly told me, “don’t ever loose your temper!”.. and reflecting upon Kenjutsu as a philosophy of life; if you lose your temper, you have lost the fight… weather its with an opponent or with yourself.